Simple America

Well it had to happen to me sooner or lady. I’ve always been jumpy and damn if it did not get the best of me today. The office microwave is in a small storage room. There is only one door into this room and it always shuts no matter what. Well I placed my leftover roast duck and flat noodle in the microwave for 2 and half minutes and headed back to my office to clean some tomatoes. Yep tomatoes, the imagery just kills me.

I opened the door and much to my surprise there is the little old granny that offices next to me. Jokingly she says, “Boo.”

It happened so quick. It shocks me every time I look back at this brief moment, no mere second. But her sudden appearance hit on the old primal instincts Uncle Sam developed. In a split second I grabbed her head and snapped her neck like a twig. Damn the training worked. Oh shit.

But why now? I have been away from that life over 20 years now. Why in the hell am I so damn jumpy? Well fortunately, she made no sound besides her playful boo. Her momentum from entering the room had me hugging her so she did not plop on the ground, which might have attracted some undo attention. I dragged her inside the room and hid her body in the shredding pile.

By the time I had covered her the timer beeped from the microwave. Damn near crapped myself. I grabbed my food and walked back to my office. I set the dish on the desk and my hands are jittering. Somebody down the hall was laughing at a joke which put my nerves even more on edge. I ate some duck to calm myself down. Food has always been my opium whenever my nerves get frazzled. Today that was a mistake. Two bites and a swallow had me sprinting down to the toilet, where I promptly lost the duck and breakfast. My cheeks sweated and I wet a paper towel to clean off my face.

The door opens to the john and there’s the Dean. Oh shit, I think.

“You alright. I heard somebody get ill”, he spoke. His dark eyes showing concern.

I responded, “Something I ate got me. I think I will head home. Just don’t feel right.”

“Sure. Go ahead. See you tomorrow if you feel better.”

And he backed out the door. My fricking heart felt like it would explode. I have to get out of here. I stepped out and saw the Dean heading out of the office. Lunchtime he was right on schedule. Everybody else was working or eating. With the half of the staff gone to eat that meant the rest had to stay at their desks. I needed to move immediately.

Then I saw it. A garbage can and it was the heavy duty number that the housekeeping folks used. They were at lunch too. I pushed it to the storeroom. I grabbed the corpse and dumped her in the can. Next I covered her body with the shredding. I left all of my things in my office, including my cell phone. Was not going to let anyone find me that way. Just in case I needed to run. I hoped they would just think I left my other things because I’m ill. I had no time to consider gathering my stuff. Not if I was going to get away.

I pushed the bin out of the building and across the parking lot. Just waiting for someone to come and ask me where the hell I’m taking the garbage. The whole time I’m thinking, why do I have to be so jumpy? Damn it to hell. Nerves are just killing me. Some irony that. Despite my stupidity, and I say this in retrospect after rolling the garbage bin all of the way to my car, I made it unchallenged. In fact, my luck for the moment was quite good. Not a soul in sight. Idiots working security not worth their weight in dung. I opened the trunk and dumped the body and half the damn shredding inside. Slammed it shut and pushed the trashcan away so I could back up.

Sat down and keyed the ignition. I screeched the tires as I backed out. Damn, I took a deep breath and decided to risk a stick of gum. I hoped that gum chewing would calm me down. It took all of my focus to keep my speed at 20 miles an hour across the campus. The road felt much longer than it had been that morning.

From there I had to use cruise control. I could afford no lapses in concentration that might lead to a speeding ticket. I drove like a model citizen as I headed home praying for an idea. The idea hit me when I exited 288 at Rosharen. That’s where I spotted the sign for Brazos Bend State Park. I pass this place everyday and just ignore it. It’s got all of those alligators. Problem solved.

I was so damned worried. The missus is home so I did not want to go there until I dumped the body. At least I did not have to run to Mexico. But hell. Dump the lady in Bend. The gators eat a bit and I don’t have to change a thing about my life. I can go to work tomorrow and be just as clueless as everyone else. Where did she go? What could have happened to her?

The thought slowed my heart beat just a bit. Not a whole lot, but it felt a lot better than it had. Cruise control took me on down the road. Even caught a green light at 521. I cannot remember the last time I was not stopped at that intersection.

Getting rid of the body was a charm. Gators are probably still hibernating, but I put her in a good spot. Hopefully the vultures don’t give it away. Tried to anchor the body so it won’t float back to shore, but I‘ll be damned if I ever go back there and check.

I’m home now. My wife is surprised I’m home of course. Want to make this blog entry real quick. And then I’m taking a nap. Need some sleep. I am just too damn jumpy.

Oh yeah Skinwalker is doing good. You can read the press release here http://gamingreport.com/article.php?sid=20098&mode=thread&order=0 and the first review is out here http://www.rpg-resource.org.uk/index.php?article=1806&visual=4 .

Gosh this was ugly. I’ve edited it bit now. I only have an hour for lunch and thats when I wrote this. Little clearer read now.

Chinese New Year is here and folks are celebrating all over the world. It is not as evident here in the US, but you can bump into a celebration here or there.

My kids look forward to their red envelopes and I have already driven them to the game store and the outdoor shop. We all upgraded our Magic the Gathering decks and my daughter ordered a backpack, so she might finally camp without borrowing one. She will appreciate it more buying it herself too. Heck I will have to get a backpack soon or the kids will hike away from me.

I was disappointed a little bit by the lack of activity by the family this weekend. But too much is going on. It really cannot be helped, especially with no work holidays over here. All we have really done here is a dinner with the missus friends and her sister joined us which was nice. One of the regular friends could not make it, but another new couple joined us as we filled two large tables. Five families gathered round those tables, one for adults and another for kids. Once again I forgot the camera and to prove this forgetfulness is genetic, my daughter forgot hers as well. We won’t be able to meet the missus brother until next Saturday and then we shall eat dim sum.

Saturday night I took the kids to see Dr. Doolittle, starring Houston’s own Tommy Tune. It had to be the worst theater experience I have ever endured. The three generations of women behind me talked the entire show. WTF! The teenagers in front of us sent SMS throughout the show. The child besides me kept unwrapping her snacks and how much food does one need to bring to a show in the first place. I expect to endure some children at a Children’s musical. But damn I got the circus audience for this show. I was so uncomfortable I could not even fall asleep. And the show truly was a sleeper. Tommy Tune has a good voice, he really can dance, and he has the warmest smile. But this show was just lame. I did enjoy the tap dancing routines on Monkey Monkey Island though. I never got into the story and the songs just did not carry me anywhere. Our next tickets are for Beauty and the Beast. I’m just going to let the women folk go to that one. Me and the boy will figure something out I’m sure. I know Beauty and the Beast will have beautiful songs, but it probably is going to have all those rude folks too. I can only shut up so long.

I spent a lot of the weekend editing 12 to Midnight’s secret project. Stayed up until 3 in the morning early Sunday, before I hung it up for the night. Was back up at 11 to finish it. Sent it back to the author and I hope he doesn’t have a heart attack. I did a lot to his draft. Skinwalker has had good sales despite little advertising or announcements. Now I need to work on the adventure generator for Fire in the Hole so I can get it to Ed.

Really had a good time chatting with folks this weekend. Especially Cat. I don’t know how many hours we chatted this weekend. I may have to give her kudos on the secret project as she helped me stay awake in the wee hours. Also had nice chats with Selba, Jane, Jomel, and so much to my surprise and delight my sweet mistipurple. She is hard to find on the IM so I count it as a blessing. Thanks ladies for all of the wonderful conversations and sorry for all the headaches some of you got. When I was in Elementary School my mother used to always say Chinese women are the most beautiful in the world. Little did she or I know that I would marry one and then have the privilege to become acquainted with so many fine ladies. My mom did not inform me what good conversationalists you would be. Thanks for cheering up my weekend ladies.

Time is just flying by. And I see that I am way overdo for a postie. Sorry y’all.

I got so much done last weekend and even managed to fit in the Penguins vs. Flyers NHL game. I was honestly shocked it was on TV down here. But I guess they are trying to build interest for the Winter Olympic Games next month. It was nice seeing such a close battle between these two Pennsylvania rivals. I need to shed 50 pounds and get back on the ice myself. Love skating and banging along the boards. Hehe

Finally, got all of the tax documentation completed for 12 to Midnight that is due by end of the month. Now I need to work on my CPA firm and another company I have with some other partners. Really ought to just close the latter, as my partners for this company just don’t seem to have any drive. They sit and wait for some white knight to fund us into existence. They don’t want to invest money and I should just kill it.

Sunday I upgraded my Quicken to the new version and then handled family finances. Trying to get ready for personal taxes. I screwed up and changed passwords and could not find the new password. So I had to go to a three week old backup. I can be so stupid sometimes. Thank goodness I can download all of my transactions from the bank and credit card companies. For some reason the file showed that I had 4 months of data to reconcile. Each bank statement and credit card had to be done once more. So my whole Sunday was devoted to this.

Hardly saw the missus this weekend, though she was working diligently in her office. I could hear her voice on the teleconference and she made brief appearances for beverages. Saturday’s dinner was late as I was enmeshed in my work. Poor kids were starving and she probably was too. I had to serve her meal while she worked at her desk. The missus was that busy. Worked almost to midnight after getting up early at 6:30 on Saturday and one minute I saw her light on and the next thing I knew the house was dark and I was the only one up. Even the kids were visiting the land of Nod and without a fuss. I said what the heck and hit the sack too. Sunday she was early to rise again. Cripes. She stopped around 7 and we went out for Korea food. Got me a good dose of kimchi. Yum.

Work is boring as always. Though transience showed me meebo which allows me to IM at work. Now I must inform that msfeline showed me e-messenger first. Problem is e-messenger does not work very well for me. I get a lot of echoes and it eats some of the lines I send and receive. This makes it very difficult to IM and some of you will attest to the confusion I had IMing with you. So I am sold on meebo, as I have had no problems. I do miss my smiley icon popup though. E-messenger did allow me that capability. Try them out and see what works best for you. These go around the firewall that blocks me from downloading the IM software. They should do the same for you.

Monday the missus picked up her sister, who returned from Hong Kong. I took the kids to the dentist. Daughter’s check up was good, though when she goes in July she is going to have to get braces. My son needs to brush a little better as his tooth report card was no so good. I ordered pizza for the 4 of us, but the missus had dinner with her sister. We still gobbled up all the pizza. Talk about pigs.

Tuesday the missus left for Tampa. She may return Friday, she may not. They are in a major stage of her project. I just stay out of the way and get the kids to school and activities. Try and feed them too. Last night we had Boy Scouts and I am working on getting the boys and leaders to register. Next week we have to submit our charter paperwork, so that is keeping me busy. Still looking at the coming Cub Scout Fair. No donors yet.

Tonight I just wanna go home and go to bed. Just have to make sure I tape Lost and Invasion. Lost is even better this year than last, of course having Michelle Rodriguez in the cast does not hurt. Man she is one tough guapo. Don’t wanna get in a fight with her, but then again….

I’m so brain dead lately I may just find some of my old short stories and post them. They tend to be horror themed, so don’t freak out. If ya don’t like that stuff skip the posts. I will try to warn y’all because I know horror is not for everyone and I want to respect that.

And anyone curious about when Skinwalker is coming out? I have no clue. I’m still editing my secret project so I can hand it back to its author. Then I’m working on Fire in the Hole cause it needs to come out this Spring. Never an empty moment.

I have seen this tag going around and I thought I dodged it. Thanks to Abaniko that is no longer the case. And he is threatening me with a plague of three more tags. I’m just glad that I am his friend and not his foe. 

The rules: (1) write a 100-to-200-word entry using the following words: I, me, blow job, grapes, random, power, loneliness, water, robot and blue; (2) use these words once and only once; and of course (3) the entry should make sense.

I enjoy the smell of fresh cut grass in the spring. Walking across the lawn listening to the ground scrunch below my feet pleased me in no small measure. The yard man was still giving the grounds a blow job, but it did not steal from the fragrance. Pulled a bag of grapes from out of my pocket and munched on one to further increase my pleasure. A goose could be heard honking from the pond and it spurred a random desire to go pick up a box lunch of roast duck. The yard man killed the power switch on the leaf blower and the morning turned quiet. For a moment, my eyes closed, inhaling and basking in the lovely loneliness. Eyes reopened as my free hand grabbed a water bottle from another pocket, changed my mind and returned the flask. Moving along on stiff legs, the movements resembled that of a robot from a fifties movie. The motion spurred on to the front door, but still time to stop and take in another glance of the big blue Texas sky.

How’s tat? I even did the words in order. Tagging. I don’t do that. But feel challenged to accept the hidden tag. K?

Now my second tag comes from JoMel. This is a list type tag and off I go.

4 Jobs I’ve Had In My Life:
- Infantryman, US Army
- Assistant Controller
- Staff Accountant
- Internal Auditor

4 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over:
- Serenity
- Lord of the Rings (The entire trilogy)
- Star Wars
- Spiderman

4 TV Shows I Love (d) To Watch:
- Firefly
- Lost
- Supernatural
- Seinfeld

4 Places I’ve Lived (I can list only 4???):
- Arizona (my birthplace)
- Texas (God’s country)
- Germany
- Korea

4 Places I’ve Been On Vacation To:
- Orlando
- Lake Tahoe
- Colorado
- England

4 Places I Would Rather Be In:
- Singapore
- Kuala Lumpur
- Hong Kong
- The Silk Road

4 Of My Favorite Foods:
- Steak
- Cranberry Sauce
- Dim Sum
- Crunchy noodles

4 Websites I Visit Daily:
www.12tomidnight.com   (My publishing company)
www.enworld.org            (Get the d20 system industry news)
www.wizards.com           (See what the big boys are doing and dream of making them sweat)
Everybody on my blog roll

4 Unfortunate Souls Tagged:

• Brighter Death (New to my blog roll and mui too. I must know more)
• Caracola  (I missed her in Ireland. What better way to catch up)
• Abaniko (Just because it feels right in the shadows to do this)
• Ed          (He’s a better writer than me and deserves some readers. Check him out)

Yeah I broke my usual rule. But my daughter would be pleased by a random act by me.

Quick update. Finally finished the first pass of the budget. Yay!!! Now I can finish all of these taxes.

Daughter stayed home with a fever today. Glad the missus did not travel this week. My son had his last basketball game and they finished the season on a losing note. He is very motivated to do better. I need to find a league or some camps so he can improve.

Also I need to get moving on the Cub Scout Fair. Find Sponsors and get an idea what they need. Otherwise I’m going to make a decision and they will have to accept it. Fire me otherwise. Hey I’m a volunteer. My kids would like my time too.

I have been incredibly busy. Did not plan on being this busy but those pesky  “I gotchas” keeps getting me. First off I need to take care of a couple of memes.

The first meme comes from rayray and I apologize for being so sloooooow on this. Here is how it works. This is called the 3 X 3 tag For New Year’s Eve. Yeah I’m that late. For this tag you must complete three lists of:

• Three 2005 achievements you’re proud of, no matter how small.
• Three 2005 events that delighted you, no matter how small.
• Three 2005 events that appalled you. Excluding meteorological events like tsunamis and hurricanes.

What I’m proud of is:

1. Daughter graduated from St Frances De Sales Middle School with top 10% honors in her class.
2. I made the big trip to Gencon and met all those Game Gods and learned they knew about 12 to Midnight Inc.
3. Completed Wood Badge training for Boy Scout leaders. Now on with my ticket in 2006.

What delighted me:

1. My introduction to the blog world has opened my eyes and permitted the opportunities to make new friends and learn of places that I had previously ignored. I am more whole knowing all of you.
2. Returning to El Rancho Cima for Boy Scout Camp after 30 years. Too bad I’m still not 14 years old like last time.
3. My wife still has a wonderful sense of humor and keeps me around despite my inability to do more than change the occasional light bulb in the house.

What appalled me:

1. I did not visit my best friend’s home once the entire year. What good am I as a friend?
2. The politics in America at every stinking level. And it does stink in a manner that makes sniffing a cesspool a relief. We’d be better off with a lottery randomly picking our leaders.
3. The assholes driving on the wrong side of the road and in the emergency lanes while evacuating for Hurricane Rita. Wish them all a ticket.

Who am I tagging? I am following rayray’s methodology and I tag:

1. You.
2. Your momma.
3. Your momma’s momma.
4. Your momma’a momma’s momma.
5. And your peg-legged cat.

The next tag comes from Christine and my Singapore daughter msfeline. It’s a conspiracy I tell you. I just know it Here are the rules:

The tagged victim (tats me) has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover/partner. Need to mention the sex of the target. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they’ve been tagged. If tagged the 2nd time, there’s no need to post again. (but I sure got someone off the hook then *winks)

My partner has to be a woman. Let there be no doubt. I’m an output device and I am only interested in input devices. Got it?

1. She must have a sense of humor. (She’ll be laughing all day around me. Otherwise she will be crying what a stoopid buffoon)
2. Gamer girl. (Please play wif me)
3. Writer. (Lets bounce ideas off each other and write stories that appeal to men and women)
4. Almost as intelligent as me. (I have to be smarter or I cannot challenge her. Women must be challenged or they will be miserable. A miserable woman shares her misery.)
5. Traveler. (Let’s go places. See and be seen)
6. Historian. (I love history and talking about it. Plus when we travel, we’ll do more than just shop. Lookie. Lookie.)
7. Be able to dress me. (Heaven knows what I would wear without a critical eye)
8. Make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. (Not a whole lot of dishes to wash after that meal. I can get to work or play instead of washing dishes. What do you mean let the kids do it? They got homework. The do not attend public schools where kids just have to feel good about attending class and have a counselor hug them when their parents demand more.)

And I ain’t tagging nobody except your one-eyed daddy. Do it if ya wanna. OK?

Okay. What in tarnation have I been up too? Here in the states we just had a three day weekend (government did at least, real people like the missus had to work) in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King. We need another one of him btw.

Friday the missus and I met with our financial planner and made sure all the investments for retirement and the kids’ college was in line. Took measures to make sure we save better for property taxes next year. I hate being a wage slave just because I bought a house. After that was finished we picked up the kids and split off. The women went to piano lessons, while I drove my son to his basketball game. His grades improved so he is back on the team. Yay! They lost the game. Boo! Son was quite tired. He needs to build his endurance as he out of shape from his hiatus. Picked up some Popeye’s chicken and headed home. Spent the rest of the evening preparing financials for the Board Meeting/Shareholders Meeting. Finally got to bed a little after 1:00am.

Saturday I woke at 5:00 when the kids started to make their breakfast. My daughter set her clock incorrectly so she actually woke up at four instead of five. I had planned on waking at 5:30. So I got up hoping that the missus could sleep undisturbed. Got the boy to the Scout House at 6:30 exactly. The troop went to Bryan to visit the George Bush (the elder) Presidential Library in order to work on their railroading merit badge. Me and the girl went to IHOP and had breakfast. After that we met up with the Girl Scouts as they were heading for Hill Country State Park and some backpacking. The girl had just bought a new sleeping bag and it was a timely purchase, as her old bag would have been insufficient with the cold weather this weekend.

So I left her with the backpackers a little after eight and started on my drive to Bryan. Yep just like the Boy Scouts. Only I was going to the 12 to Midnight Inc. Board Meeting/Shareholders Meeting. This was the best meeting ever. Longest too. But we worked hard and made a lot of decisions, which if we can meet the demands could easily triple sales for this year. But we are going to have to hump to achieve these sales. But I think we are realistic in what we agreed to attempt. We also took a serious look at our product prices and costs. I look forward to watching our progress. Oh yeah, Skinwalker should hit emalls this week. Of course you’ve heard that before but this time I feel 99% reliable. Best part of the day was wolfing down a triple meat Whataburger. I just love those as do my partners.

Drove home arriving after nine in the evening and my wife had picked up my son already. Stayed up and read a few blogs, but my mind was too numb to post a comment. Finally gave in to sleep.

Sunday I woke up just before noon. Felt well except for the caffeine headache I had for the rest of the weekend. Avoided caffeine just to spite it. My son was playing Star Wars Battlefront II on the X-Box and I joined him for a couple of hours. Felt good to shoot and blow up stuff for a little while. The major part of the day was spent working on the budget, which I am formatting more along the lines of sales forecast to make it more effective for grading the company as the year moves along. It’s a beast. Let me tell you. My wife was out all day getting massages and shopping and much to my delight picking up my daughter. I was really into the budget so the lack of interruption was appreciated.

Girl got home, hoping to go to the movies with her friends. Turns out they went without her and this put her in a sour mood the rest of the weekend. We went to a Thai restaurant and she almost spoiled my meal with her surliness. The food was too good, especially the red curry pork. Sorry no pictures. Went home took out the trash and then more budget, budget, budget.

Monday I woke up early to take my son to another basketball game and another loss. Be glad when these little guys get more experience playing together. My son gets really frustrated. I tried to explain that he is very good strategist (he beats me in chess and I don’t let him, little ratfink) and has a much better understanding how to do things than his friends. He still gets frustrated. Hopefully time will cure this.

Rushed home from the game. Daughter prepared our lunch, because she wanted to go to the movies with some other friends. Me and the boy changed clothes and we went to see Glory Road. Great flick. I highly recommend this. Some parts are embarrassing as a Southerner and Texan. I hope we can find a day to become just “Americans” and not so prone to hate those that are looking differently from us. My son went home inspired and he shot the basketball for quite some time. Only the rain stopped him.

After that it was back to the budget. I even took the budget with me to the boy’s tae kwon do lesson. Planned on eating Indian food last night, but the restaurant I like was closed on Monday. So picked up a roast chicken and a gallon of milk at HEB.

Now I’m back at work. Still thinking about budgets. I need to pay Use tax for 12 to Midnight by the 20^th. It’s a trivial amount, but never pay taxes late in America. I also need to prepare W-2s and 1099s. Would have been ideal to have it done before the meeting but did not have the time. Why is it that I have to go to work to relax and reflect? I need a longer lunch hour.

Last month I listened into a radio talk show and the topic was death and what happens after you die. This left me thinking on death quite a bit since that day. This post is the result of those thoughts that have been trying to leak out of me for quite some time. Nevertheless, I considered it inappropriate during Christmas to dwell on such unpleasant thoughts. And please don’t think that I am pondering kicking the bucket soon. God has more suffering in store for me, before the fates snip my string.

I am going to present this in the form of a meme. If anyone else wants to investigate this further, they too may pick it up like a tag and explore their own feelings on this most terminal of subjects. Though I do not condemn any of you that shall choose to skip this rather morbid topic.

You suffer a tragic accident. You have one minute before your will die? Mentally you are lucid and composed. You have your cell (mobile) phone convenient despite the accident. Who do you call?

For me that is easy. I have to call the missus and tell her so long and farewell for this life.

You are in a plane. The pilot informs you that the plane’s engines have failed and it will crash shortly. The plane is email capable and you have time enough to send five short emails. This is not your pc so your email address book is not available. The pc also only allows one email addy per email sent and you have no cut and paste feature available. Who do you write?

Once again my missus gets the first letter. Cannot leave her misinformed of my situation. Then I must email my daughter and son and bid them my farewells. Next I write my partner and best friend Ed and wish him the best. And my last letter goes to Kelly as she is the only blogger that I have memorized her email address and she knows where I go, so I am confident she can spread the word of my demise. Though I must admit that I requested my daughter post an announcement if I ever kick the bucket, because there are folks out there that want to know. Mistipurple comes to mind right off the bat.

You go to a regular check up and the doctor determines you have exactly 365 days to live. Fortunately, you have a disease that will not infirm you until the last few days of your life. Nothing in science will curtail this illness. Luckily, you purchased a great insurance policy for one million and it will payout once a doctor confirms your status. Bonus is this money cannot be taxed so you get the entire amount. What do you do for the last year of your life?

First thing first I take care of the kids and the missus by setting up some good money instruments to take care of them. She gets $500K while both kids get $200K. The last 100K will let me travel. It won’t be too extravagant as I want to stay real. But I want to see a few things I have missed. I’ll go to the UK, Belgium, Italy and Spain first and visit friends and the lands of my ancestors. Then I would leave there after a couple of months and fly to Bangkok. I would spend some time with Jane and then work my way down the Malay Peninsula visiting folks there continuing all the way to Singapore. Once I get evicted from Singapore (dropping a gum wrapper by mistake) I would head for Jakarta for a time. From there I would go to New Zealand where I do not know anyone, but I want to see. My last days would be in Australia and I would just wander into the Outback and let the vultures have this old body. My soul does not need it anymore.

You can only say two things of importance to your children before you die. What do you say?

1. Confess your sins everyday so you can be filled with the Holy Spirit.
2. Only learn the Bible from a pastor that understands Greek, Hebrew, and Aramaic, for Latin is not a Biblical language.

Yeah it’s kind of a strange post. But I’ve been thinking on this topic for a month now. The only way I can clear these thoughts from my head is to write the slate clean.