Mothers Day 20 Years Since…
It is hard to believe the time that has passed since my siblings and I last shared a day with Mom. Probably seems strange that I cannot remember the details of that day. Though I could imagine the general drift of what transired.
My brother sending regrets as he was busy doing nothing. What has he ever done? My sister lived with mom at the time and would be more than eager to go out. And the destination for our lunch would be Luby’s Cafeteria, mom’s favorite.
The conversation would be probing. How was school? How was my job? Was I dating anyone? The last question being the most important. I had just given up on a Malaysian girl named Chung. She was too cold and I was too me.
This was our first Mothers Day without my stepfather’s presence. He had been buried just the month before. I don’t remember if the conversation ever touched upon him. It must have been strange without him there worrying about the dog left at home alone for a couple of hours. I remember his funeral took place right in the middle of finals. I juggled driving family around town between studing and exams. Time did not permit me the time to visit the funeral home for visitation. So my mom had the casket opened up at the grave so I could have a last peek. Last thing I wanted to see and it resulted in the last thing I thought I would ever do for him. Tears streamed down my cheeks in front of the crowd. My two oldest stepsisters Frances and Margaret both came over and hugged me until I could compose myself.
I probably forgave her that by Mothers Day. Why shouldn’t I? She thought she was letting me say goodbye. The sad thing as we ate our meal is that none of us had any inkling that Mom would not be there for next year. We treated it as just another holiday lunch at Lubys.
If I had know our time together was coming to an end I might have done things differently. Been more thankful instead of ducking her annoying questions.
As I look back she did so much for me. Mom fled to Arizona pregnant with me, as bastards were not acceptable in the Bible belt at that time. Mom had to do so much for me in those days. She learned to drive, found a job, found people to watch me while she worked. Mom even learned how to cook. Finally my brother (he was surprised that he was no longer the only child) arrived and he helped a bit. And then friends kept introducing her to men and she found one that she married and later adopted me.
They worked hard and bought a nice house in Tempe. Mom stayed home as she gave birth to my sister. We lived the American dream. My brother made sure I caught the bus and mom was there when I came home from kindergarten.
Problem was they spent too much money for a postal workers pay. So the dream became a nightmare forcing them to run from bill collecters all the way back to Houston where I could be accepted now since mom had a husband. Damn I wish I had been born in Texas, though I always long for the mountains surrounding the Valley of the Sun. Life might have been so much simpler without a man calling you bastard every time you made a mistake.
But mom protected me from him as best she could. Mom made sure he never learned of any trouble I had at school. She took me to the doctor. Saw that I made frequent trips to the library so I could read about places far from home. She would bring me special treats or give me a ride to a friend’s house.
She tried to keep patches on my knees, though I know I tore through pants faster then she could ever hope to mend them. Mom made sure I always had a crewcut as a boy and advocated for me to let if grow longer (though not much) when I made it to Junior High School. When I insisted on wearing bell bottoms and silk shirts with French sleeves she helped me stay in fashion. Mom let me buy music records that I had to hide from my stepfather. When he found them he would throw them in the trash.
Mom made sure we made it to Foleys every Christmas. They had toy trains running and miniature wonderlands set up and you could watch elves building toys and the like. At the end of the line you would find Santa Claus. Mom would not tell Santa that I was naughty boy (usually I was) and then I would tell him all of the things I wanted him to bring me.
I remember mom sitting around playing board games with my sister and I. Helping us dye Easter eggs. Light matches so we could play with sparklers on the 4th of July. Mom helped me win the Halloween poster contest every year for my class. And then she helped me get it displayed at Butera’s grocery in the neighborhood.
It was my mom that dropped me off to work and picked me up when my shift was over when I got a job in High School. I still had the nerve to ask for an allowance. She took me to football games when I marched in the band. Mom made sure I arrived on time for concerts and music contests.
Mom was my guardian angel when the old man got drunk. She kept him away from us on the worst nights. But some nights he would come out and verbally rip her apart. My sister and I laughed because we were too stupid to know better, while mom would cry and try to shoo us off to our rooms.
Mom made sure I got up on Sunday to go to church. She would always come in and tickle me awake, which I enjoyed. I did not enjoy my sister coming in with her and tickling me too. I yelled at my sister one Sunday to express my displeasure with her presence. When my stepfather heard the yelling he assumed I yelled at mom. He hit me so hard I flew up into the air until I crashed into the wall. Somehow Mom made sure that never happened again. At least not until I could fight back and stop it myself.
Sunday afternoon usually meant hamburgers or a cafeteria. Then mom, my sister and I would go to the movies. Anything to keep us away from home. During baseball season I would go see the Astros home games on Sunday. The best times as a family would be the four of us going to a baseball game.
Mom made sure I had a boy scout uniform with all of my scouting patches sown on. She drove me to meetings. She would get up at five in the morning on Saturday when I would go camping and drop me off at the scout house. She saved up money so I could go to summer camp. Then she took me to the doctor for my camp physical.
My mom cried the day the recruiter picked me up and took her baby boy to the army. She drove up to Missouri for my graduation from basic training. Mom would talk to me no matter how inconvenient the hour of my phone call. She mailed care packages packed with goodies, news, and little knick-knacks that expressed her love for me. Mom always gave so much that I could share with my buddies and still be damn stuffed. She did all of that for the entire time I was in the service.
When I left the service for school she took me shopping so I would dress well for class. She even offered to buy me a nice earring, though I never found one that I liked. Mom was confident that I would be the first family member to graduate. She knew I would do better in college with the discipline I picked up in the army. All through High School she commented on how I passed my classes despite the fact that I hardly looked at the books. My other mother, my drill sergeant, had opened me up to a harsh world. With their combined efforts I became a much better student.
Mom would not see me graduate. She would meet my wife, though she would not see my wedding. My mother would have loved to spoil some grandkids, but that chance was not afforded her. And it is not for me to question God’s timing, it certainly disappointed me that the three things that would have made her happiest in this life were not realized. Of course there will be plenty of time to share this in eternity.
I’m thankful that God took my mom quickly and quietly. No pain. A big surprise to everyone. My mom was a bit of a joker and I think she enjoyed going away like that. I remember calling her at the hospital before going to work on Thursday at six. We chatted mostly small talk, well I did mention my girlfriend a bit. The two of us had visited mom just a couple days earlier at the hospital. My mom said she would be released from the hosipital in a couple of days. Nothing looked astray. I worked in a liquor warehouse at the time and the job was pretty tiring. It was a good paying job for a college student. I went to my girlfriend’s apartment after work. We were planning for Thanksgiving dinner the next week. Thats when my sister called around eleven. She informed me that my mom had died.
Just like that God took her. But he was nice enough to allow her kids to talk with her that evening.
I miss my mom. Still after 20 years. The one person that would hide me from all my demons. Would endure my shouts of hatred toward my stepfather. The only person that recognized that no matter how much I screwed up I would end up good. She lived the example of what a good human should be so I could have no doubt.
When you love someone never let things go. Do not take their presence for granted. When you love someone tell them. Leave no doubt that you care and never reject those feelings when they are expressed to you. You never know when that someone can be removed from this Earth. Regrets make a poor path to follow.
Hug your mom. Tell your mother that she is the greatest. Never lose a minute debating whether you should spend time with your mother. Be there for her. She was always there for you.
Happy Mothers Day!
May 14th, 2006 at 3:04 am
I am so touched by your dedication to your mom.. I miss my mom too, and it’s not even been a year yet since she passed away. Thanks for sharing your story, which in turn made me remember my mom and all the things she did for me, gave up for me.. Happy Momma’s Day, SA.
May 14th, 2006 at 4:00 am
lovely post, SA. a Happy Mother’s Day to your late beloved mom, and to your missus too. wish I could send you some apple crumble pie.
May 14th, 2006 at 7:26 am
It’s not Mother’s Day in Thailand… but I think I should do something for mom…
May 14th, 2006 at 7:28 am
It brought back to my years as a rebellious teenager growing up with my strict mom. Looking back, I think I would not have been who I am today had it not been for my mom. Strict as she may have been, she just wants what’s best thought sometimes, her version of best may not necessarily coincide with mine. Oh well, life’s like that. We think we can do better. That’s why I shudder at the thought what my “future” kids will be like. *shudder* ehehehehe
May 14th, 2006 at 7:39 am
This is a beautiful post, and allows us to really see your vision of your mother, and of your relationship with her. And, best Mom’s day wishes to your wife, as well.
May 14th, 2006 at 10:00 am
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story of your mum. It brought tears to my eyes reading about how she took care of you despite life not being a bed of roses for her and for you. Here’s wishing her a happy Mother’s Day in eternity!
May 14th, 2006 at 11:22 am
you went out with a malaysian girl?? *eyes opens wider* which from which country have you not gone out with?
ps: Happy Mother’s day to the missus and your mom too.. and thank you so much for sharing.. i’m so thankful my mom is alive and well..but i know there would come a day when i would have to learn to accept the fact that people die.. and when that happens, i don’t know how i would be able to deal with it..
May 14th, 2006 at 11:45 am
thanks for sharing your personal feelings. I am touched by them. Happy Mother’s Day to the missus and your mum, for all the sacrifices they’ve made!!
Like what you’ve said before, our past is what that shaped us today. You grew up well. Your mum will be proud.
:)
God bless you!
May 14th, 2006 at 11:53 am
I recalled you post L B when I wrote this. Truly I am thankful that my memories of her are vibrant and clear. Always gonna miss her in this old world. Hope you could enjoy your memories over whatever you and AhMay might have cooked up this weekend.
Thanks AhMay. Gosh I wish I could get some of that apple crumb pie too. I need to finish digging that hole. When I get there I’ll bring some ice cream.
Let us know what ya do Jane. When do you celebrate Mothers Day in Thailand?
Well Poison it is natural to wanna spread your wings as teenager. We all do it. My kids are seeking more independence now and it really hurts some days, when I remember how cute and dependent they used to be. And you turned out alright. Betting you’ll be a super mom too.
Thank you for the kind words and well wishes Kimananda. Hope you had a chance to give you mom a call.
It would be kind of nice to think that everyday in eternity was Mothers Day Bkworm. It is perfect so why not? I had to stop writing a couple of times. Little eye misfunctions.
In College I went to all of the different Asian organizations dances. I met Chung at a Malaysian/Singaporean Student Union dance. We had two dates and that was that. Think she was from Penang.
Be strong in your faith JJ and when the time comes you’ll be fine. If your mom is Christian and I understand that you are then you have eternity to look forward to. Heck I’ll be there too. I’ll introduce you to my mom and you can introduce me to yours.
May 14th, 2006 at 11:57 am
Thanks laymank. I recalled your childhood post when I started this post. Even read it again to prepare myself. Originally I though about writing along those lines, but had to take a different angle.
Thanks for the well wishes and hope you Mom had a great day too.
May 14th, 2006 at 12:12 pm
Thanks for sharing. I am touched….
May 14th, 2006 at 12:44 pm
My mum had a great time today and 2 days ago when we celebrated this special occassion. Her only request was to have the whole family gathered as ONE. And we did.
I could see her logic again when I read your post today.
May 14th, 2006 at 12:49 pm
and reading your ‘childhood’ here, it reminds me that I have stepped foot into your birth land before - Tempe, Arizona.
Makes me feel like I am sharing part of your childhood.
May 14th, 2006 at 2:33 pm
Thanks for visiting KW. Sometimes it is painful to go back. But I am finding it is clearing the way forward. That might make it worthwhile.
It is always nice to have the family together. I look forward to being with my wife’s family in July. Nothing beats getting together like that.
Yep. I can remember those mountains in the distance. The warm air. Arizona always has a special place in my memories.
May 14th, 2006 at 8:23 pm
mum is great, but despite all that, she will forever be no 2?
May 14th, 2006 at 8:47 pm
Yep. The missus is always number one.
Mom is to be honored and respected.
The missus is to be loved and cherished.
That is what God demands.
May 14th, 2006 at 10:25 pm
I have been too blind.. you have move to another site, and I was still visiting the other checking out for updates.. *silly me*
This is a very nice post.. you really have a wonderful mum.
My mum too passed on before she had any grandchildren (she loves kids, and have been babysitting other people’s kids for free) and before I got married (last in the family although I’m not the youngest).
She had cancer and for 7yrs, not telling any of her kids nor her own parents. Only my dad knew about it. When she had a relapse, she went quickly. All of us didn’t have time to react, worse of all was my grandmother.. My mum went away within 3 days after we knew she had a relapse. She claimed it was painless.
Aw.. maybe I should write a post for her. Thanks for sharing yours.
May 14th, 2006 at 11:26 pm
I thought you might have been busy with the holiday and Mothers Day. If I missed your comments a couple more days I wuz going to send you the link.
I apologize for the confusion and assure you I will not move again. This is home. I love WordPress.
You mom sounds life a very strong woman. To endure all of that and hide it from all of you. It can really be tearful tale. Even worse that it is true. Let me warn you. This kind of post can be difficult. Keep kleenex near. Might be good to have Zara close so you can get a hug now and then.
We were never certain what killed my mom. We suspect it was diabetes.
May 14th, 2006 at 11:28 pm
that was a very lovely touching story. thanks for sharing.
yes we should learn to appreciate our loved ones while they are still around and not take them for granted. my mum is still with me, age 76 but still strong and healthy, thank god. everyday at my night prayer, i pray for her. as she still goes around by herself, i always pray for god’s protection on her esp. when she is walking on the road or taking the bus.
mum’s the best for all of us!
May 15th, 2006 at 12:15 am
Your mom reminds me of my aunt, Lucia. hehe She was 100 years old and still taking the bus all over the city. That woman had so much energy.
Glad your mom is going strong. He will certainly watch her and your prayers will surely help.
May 15th, 2006 at 2:52 am
i’m still staying with my mom for a reason that i was away from her since I was 11 till last year.
i want to be with her before i get married or goin somewhere else.
my mom is great. no matter what. she is great.
May 15th, 2006 at 5:00 am
Happy (Belated) Mothers’ Day to Mrs.SAm.
Reading your post made me grateful for having pMom still around.
Thank you.
May 15th, 2006 at 5:44 am
That is such a young age to be seperated from your mom TM. Glad you could get back to her. So hard to make up for lost time away from each other. Great that you can be with her now.
Hope you were able to see pMom yesterday. No thanks for me. *blush* Thanks to you for visiting and reading.
May 15th, 2006 at 9:55 am
thanx for the kind words.. i know i am suppose to be ok.. and that in fact i should be upset, or not know how to deal with it, because if something like should happen, it means, they have gone ‘home’ to be with the Lord..and that they would enjoy eternal life with the Lord..but i don’t know why, it bugs me..and that my heart feels with dread that one day it would happen..
May 15th, 2006 at 10:26 am
Mother’s Day in Thailand is on 12th August (Queen’s birthday) and my mom’s birthday is on 5th August.. so we always celebrate them together!!!
May 15th, 2006 at 10:38 am
Don’t fret over it JJ. Just enjoy like now with your mom. Then you have pleasant memories to carry you through the temporaty seperation.
That is convenient Jane. Though you have to get an extra special X2 gift then.
May 15th, 2006 at 10:42 am
What nice memories of your mother. She sounds wonderful and how fantastic that you honour her still.
Luby’s, as in Luby’s cafeteria? We always went there with my grandmother in St. Petersburg, Fl and then were shocked to find one in the Woodlands in Texas. (Just love the LuAnn and their cinnamon rolls)
May 15th, 2006 at 10:52 am
Thaks Etchen. Lubys are all over the south. LuAnn plates are good deal. Have not been to one in quite some time.
May 15th, 2006 at 10:26 pm
What a lovely tribute for your mother! I bet she is proud of everything you have accomplished.
May 15th, 2006 at 10:33 pm
Thanks Alisa. I know she is. Cannot wait to talk with her about it all.
May 16th, 2006 at 7:56 am
Beautiful story SA.
I feel the same way about my mom. She is a saint and I was blessed by God to have her still. I keep hoping that I can get it “together” and truly make her proud of me before she is no longer that wonderful voice on the other end of the phone every second weekend. Wish she and I lived closer (my family is in Florida and my Mom & Pop are in Ohio)
May 16th, 2006 at 9:32 am
Thanks DU.
Just enjoy every minute you can with her. Fill those memory banks. Use your blog to jot down some fave stories and then your kids can read them too.
May 22nd, 2006 at 12:32 pm
This is indeed a wonderful expression to remember your mum.
You are so lucky to have her.
….geez, my connection is lagging real bad….I only got here today. LOL
May 22nd, 2006 at 2:53 pm
Thanks Cocka. Glad you found the new place.